Monday, April 11, 2011

I've Moved! To jundishes.com!

This is no longer home for me...come join me at:

http://jundishes.com

Monday, April 4, 2011

Idool 2011 - Liveshow 3


Another week. Another live show.

Not to be confused with “lively” show.

Because some of the contestants were down right BORING. We are missing "passion" from some of them. I won't mention names now because that will spoil the rest of this blog.

But some were GREAT!

Even better was the new snack I munched on while watching the show, GRANY! I think I’m addicted.

The Speculoos makes the world better…although I wish they had called this cookie something different.

It reminds me of “Granny”…even if it’s spelled with only one “n”.

Now that I’m done with Dutch 101 (niveau 1) I tried watching this week’s Idool 2011 alone to see how much I could understand by myself. Well. It was an interesting experience. Two months of studying Dutch and I did okay. I understood MOST of what was being said, but I admit, the next I had to have my husband fill in some of what was said.

So…I noticed Alyssa sitting in the audience. I felt bad. And then I got over it. Fast.

Poor Alyssa. I think Hasselhoff’s glowing review of her was the kiss of death. He can do that to you. The Hoff is bad news man. Bad news.

So this liveshow was all about “Made in Belgium” which is great. Because although I was “Made in Korea”, my children will be “Made in Belgium” and so I have a vested interest in the subject.

I have to admit (another confession) that I didn’t know most of the Belgian artists that the contestants chose to sing to, but it was a VERY education liveshow for me.

I feel like I know more about Belgian music than I ever thought I’d know. This is a good thing. Well, I think it is. I am always down for finding good new artists to add to my iPod.

So, the front-runner, Kevin, meets with some dude with a hat. He chooses to sing “Dance All Night” which is one of the “hit” songs that the dude with the hat put out. The hat-dude’s name is Brahim, and apparently he came in fourth on the first season, Idool 2003.

So anyway, back to the third liveshow. And the first performer…

KEVIN: I didn’t think Kevin sang very well this liveshow. But I’m sure he knows it too after watching the footage. I still think he should win the whole thing and that he’s adorable and passionate and talented and very commercial aka money money money makeable but on Friday, he was a little “showy” and not enough on sincerity.

But you know what the highlight of Kevin’s performance was?! It has to do with one of the judges, Sylvia Van Driessche. And it’s not the corny dancing Kevin did with her while he was singing (kiss-ass). It was that his “judging” was cut off by a MAJOR announcement.

Sylvia Van Driessche is pregnant! “Zij is ZWANGER!” How exciting! I mean, it’s really fukked up that they did that to poor Kevin. He was standing there on stage all confused and waiting to get the jury’s critique and the host decides to announce that Sylvia is pregnant. But whatevs. That’s life. She is beautiful and glowing and I don’t know her personally but I’m really happy for her!

Next up was…

DENNIS: He sang “You and Me” by some Belgian artist named Milow. Why Dennis didn’t get to have some quality time with Milow I don’t know, I don’t think it’s really fair. On American Idol it’s usually one artist that meets with ALL the contestants but clearly things are done differently here in Belgium. But anyway, Dennis didn’t get to meet Milow or get any cheerleading from Milow and btw “Milow’s” real name turns out to be Jonathan Vandenbroeck. Good decision to go by “Milow”. And good song choice on the part of Dennis. “You and Me” was perfect for him, somewhere between Jack Johnson and Jason Mraz.

HOWEVER, I was so distracted by the graphics on the screen behind Dennis while he was singing that it took away from the experience for me.

Like, WTF was up with the “Boy” and “Girl” logos on the screen?!

It reminded me of the signs on bathroom doors. It made me hit “pause” on the remote control and go pee.

Seriously.

Even now, I have this weird urge to pee looking at the picture again.


LORA – She sang “Risin’” by Natalia who was the first runner-up the season of Idool 2003.

My goodness though, Lora really does suck.

I mean, it’s not like she can’t sing at all. And I think she's adorable.

But she’s definitely not “Idool” material. She’s not even “Idol” material.

But clearly someone in Belgium loves her because we’ve been getting lots of close ups of her face and piercings on that face.

AND, apparently someone has a weird lip fetish, cuz we kept getting close-ups of her lips.

WTF?! So weird! I mean, I love fetishes. But this is weird even for me...

JONAS: Yeah. He got booted from the show. He was kinda fake, like he was singing during a dinner on a cruise line or something. That’s all I’ve got for him actually. Buh-bye.

I said in my first blog that either he or Manuel had to go since they both have a similar “look/vibe”. I’m glad it was Jonas and not Manuel.

Even the guest host, Alex Callier, seemed to dislike his performance judging from the face he made RIGHT AFTER Jonas was done. I also think Mr. Callier might have removed his earpiece to keep from listening to Jonas’ singing. I don’t blame him.

KRISTOF: He did “Scars” by Stan Van Samang. I wish he had sung it a few notes higher because I think he has a great voie (voice, not hairstyle) and could have pulled it off higher. But they lowered a few notches too much and at times he sounded like a ghost in a haunted house.

MAUREEN – Woah. I thought she came back STRONG this liveshow. Where it came from I don’t know, but I hope she keeps it going. She sang a song by Hooverphonic, “Mad About You Great”, and compared to last week she sang great. Although if we are comparing it to last week, anything would have been better? I don’t know. But I hope she keeps it up.

Speaking of Hooverphonic, the guest host Alex Callier is actually a part of the group. Does that make him a hoover or a phonic?

I don’t know. But I liked him. He had WAY more real commentary than David Hasselhoff did last week.

I also think I like Callier more because he reminds me a lot of Jemaine…you know, from Flight of the Conchords. I’m not crazy right?! There’s some resemblance right?! Just say yes.

MANUEL – Sigh. You sounded a little nervous on Friday my friend. I’m happy that the producers chose to spend so much time on the fact that you get girls panties’ sent to/thrown at you. But really, the singing is what is important.

You sang “Wrong” by Novastar. And I thought I was clever with changing lyrics…but one of the judges Koen Buyse asked “Where did YOU go wrong?” Wow. And furthermore, you chose a song that one of the other judges Wouter van Belle produced. And he was shaking his head.

So tell me Manuel, WERE you nervous? Because you sounded it. You started out strong and then you got really shaky.

DEVON – I am SO glad the judges gave to you everything that was running through my head. They don’t want you on the show anymore. Nothing personal, but dude, you can’t sing. I’m sure you can in the shower, at your grandma’s house, and on long car rides. But seriously. “Never Get Enough” by Das Pop. You sang, “I can’t get enough of your love. Well, let me tell you…I have had enough of your singing. And on top of that, why would you run and sing on stage at the same time? Sigh. But “everyone loves the underdog” according to the judges.

KATO: I love you. I still do. You are friggin’ awesome with SUCH a unique voice. And I’m glad you wore fitted pants this week instead of the nightmare MC Hammer ones you sported last week. Yikes. Besides, you have some junk in your trunk and we definitely got to see it defined this week. You go girl. Shake what your mama gave you. “Please” by Selah Sue was RIGHT up your alley. I loved it. Last week’s Corrine Bailey Rae and then Selah Sue? You have an identity as an artist and I respect that!

In closing, I’d like to point out a few other things I’ve learned while starting this blog about Idool 2011:

1. The fact that the contestants go on with their lives Saturday through Thursday is bizarre to me. American Idols have to stay in a house sequestered away for the duration of the show for fear of being torn apart by crazy fans. I think it’s scary but cool that you guys get to go back to your family and friends and attempt to carry on “normal lives”.

2. The fact that people have to text/SMS the actual NAMES of the contestants to a certain number. In America, most people can’t spell well enough to get this done. Plus, there would be lawsuits up the ass for misspellings and votes not counting because of it, etc…

3. The fact that this Idool 2011 is only the fourth season when the first season was all the way back in 2003?. Interesting.

4. The fact that back in 2003 I was living in the U.S. and on a reality show, Big Brother? And I won. And that there has only been one season of Big Brother here. Interesting. And this time when I say interesting I mean WTF is up with that?! Reality television is SO huge in America but not here?! Sigh. It’s another thing I have to get used to.

See you all next week!

Belgian Bieber

I’m starting to think there’s a factory somewhere in the world where teeny-bopper gods are manufactured and spit out into society. Some make it and some don't (um, Lockup/down Lohan).

But what I really mean is: Justin Bieber is the new “Olsen Twins” except, he has a penis (I think) and thicker hair.

He is also stalking my tv watching.

All the way in Belgium.

I know there are die-hard-devoted-future-Mrs. Bieber-wanna-be-fans all over the world but I, personally, don’t care.

And I’m sure I will get hate-mail now for going public with my disdain for him. But hopefully it’s not the “go back to America” bullshit I got last week for my blog.

Americans love Bieber too. But I’m just not into the whole Bieber Fever thing.

So on Wednesday night I was watching “Het Journaal” (For the Americans reading, it’s one of the many news programs here in Belgium). WTF...JUSTIN BIEBER popped up on the screen. Apparently he's been performing in Antwerp. Yay. Not.

And despite the momentary pleasure of hearing English spoken on a Belgian news program, I found it annoying.

I even posted the clip on youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz2uHhx1AOc

And THEN, on Thursday I flipped the channel to E! in the hopes of catching up with the Kardashians and who do I see on my screen but, yes, JUSTIN BIEBER. “My World” was on.

I turned off the television and went to do some dishes, that’s MY world. Yes. That’s how serious I am.

And THEN, on Friday, Bieber’s face is plastered on the tv screen while I’m watching the first few minutes of Idool?!

“Never say never,” said Beiber to the remaining contestants. CHEESY.

My television viewing is officially Beiberfied. I want to talk to someone about this.

It’s not fair.

I thought I had Biebermatic immunity now that I've left the U.S.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

One-Jacket Hasselhoff


I think I am still suffering from PTSD, but I will try to get this small paragraph out.

The last thing, as an American, that I was expecting while watching Belgium's Idool 2011 was DAVID HASSELHOFF.

Like, WTF?!

He might be cool all over Europe, but he's pretty much the poster-child for "Douche" in the U.S!

Well, maybe he comes in second now to the cast of Jersey Shore.

And to SHOW US just what a douche he is...


The "Hoff" wore the EXACT SAME outfit, down to the white shirt and red pocket-square, on this week's Idool 2011 as he did on last year's Dancing With The Stars!

But then again, he wasn't expecting some crazy ass bitch from the U.S who moved to Belgium, to put that together.

Sigh.

Hoff...buy yourself another outfit. One-trick pony...one-jacket Hasselhoff...have you spent all your money on burgers off the floor?!




Saturday, March 26, 2011

An American's Thoughts on Idool 2011

I am clinging to whatever “current” American television I can get here in Belgium.

But with E! telling me that Eva Longoria is still married to Tony Parker, I realize man cannot live on E! alone.

The point is....I’ve been also clinging to Belgian “versions” of American television too. And this includes American Idol.

So I’ve been watching the Belgian Idool 2011 from the beginning. I’ve done my research. I think it's cool that their preliminary rounds were held in the Dominican Republic. After all, that's where I met my husband just 10 months ago!

And so…here are my thoughts so far:

I have to say a belated farewell to Falco.

Dear FALCO: You were painful to watch on the first live show.

But it’s okay Falco, I am SO sure that someone will hire you for their kid’s birthday party.

You can be the new, young and slimmer Boy George! Your skills in makeup application far outdo most girls here where I live, it's sad really. But you really do have talent.

And I'm pretty painful to listen to...when I'm speaking NL. I’ve been taking Dutch classes for two months now and I know I don’t sound good. Falco, you didn’t sound so good either, but you were a joy to watch in the Dominican Republic.


Dear ALYSSA: Goodbye to you too. I’m sorry you had to go because I kinda sorta liked watching you in the Dominican Republic but I felt like you never…let…go…completely and you were trying to be someone you’re not. I’m not saying you were fake, but it was really hard for me to LIKE YOU.

I did like your dress on the first live show though, I would totally buy it were I to see it somewhere.

I also liked your song choice a lot, I love Corinne Bailey Rae’s “Put Your Records On” but you were trying way too hard. You should have channeled Corinne’s chill vibe, but you were trying way to hard.

Relax. Wait. It’s too late. You’re gone.

But let’s talk about your second live show song. The “90s”song, you know, J. Lo’s “Waiting for Tonight”. More like I was waiting for the end of this song!

Davy, My husband would like to know why you were moaning more than you were singing. I think it’s because you were struggling. Care to tell us? I think you are so pretty and you CAN sing, but you need to relax and let us in.


Dear LORA: You are so pretty. And your take on Rihanna’s Take a Bow the first live show? It was almost as pretty as you, but not quite. You have such potential. And your 90s song the last show? Robin S? – Um, more like Robin No says my husband. You look nothing like Robin S and you sound nothing like her either. You disappointed.


Dear DENNIS: Um. Yeah. Next…sorry dude. I don't really remember you, and VTM seems to have misplaced your video clip from the live show because I couldn't find it though I found everyone else's...


Dear DEVON: You creep me out. You just do.

You sang Fool’s Garden’s Lemon Tree. Well, I wonder why, I wonder how you GOT THIS FAR.

Go back and watch him sing. He looks creepy.


Dear KRISTOF: Pearl Jam’s Alive huh? Not bad. But not unforgettable.

Adrian is still waiting for the knock-out Rocky. Just letting you know.

Oh, and are you really going to keep your hair like that?


Dear MAUREEN: That was quite a bright red dress tent you wore.

If you’re going to go Whitney’s I’m Every Woman, you need to give us more crackhead energy. I know you were in the hospital before the live show, but you must have spent too much time in the morgue while you were there. WAKE UP!


Dear KATO: You nailed Natalie Imbruglia’s Torn, but I was so distracted by your pants that I couldn’t focus.

All I wanted to hear you bring the hammer down and belt out U Can’t Touch This all over the Idool stage.

Seriously. Did you pick your live show outfit or did you piss someone off in wardrobe?! Nightmare on the pants...



Dear JONAS: Rough start with the "Iiiiiiii Iiiiii wanna faaaaall from the staaaaars, straight into your arrrrrms". I have to admit I love the song but I had no idea it was by Simply Red? I kinda like you. But I want you to sing better. Because Manuel is cuter than you are and you both fill the same "type" for me. So one of you eventually has to go. At least for me.


Dear KEVIN: Jamiroquai’s Cosmic Girl? You could sing Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Girl and I would buy it.

You are so going to win Idool 2011. Well, you should. Now.

I can’t wait to see you and KATO sing something together.


MANUEL: Santana was probably cringing listening to you WHINE. Even IF you are adorable. If you sang this song to me I would say “forget about it” because you WHINE.

“Gimme your heart, make it real or else forget about it.” Yeah. Like I said. Forget about it.


Before I leave. I have to get this out.

No disrespect to any of the parties involved. But even you guys have to admit the uncanny parallelism between American Idol (original) hosts and the Idool 2011 hosts. Wowza.

But Ryan Seacrest did take OFF like a rock didn’t he? He and the Kardashians are BANKING. Good for him. But according to Davy, my hubby who was born here in Ghent, the Idool 2011 hosts Koen and Kris Wauters (brothers also by the way) are QUITE successful in Belgium.

Oh, and since I never shut up…the judges are nice and very constructive aka SOFT in their criticism. But I love Sylvia Van Driessche, the only chick judge of four judges in total. Her red lipstick is super bright but looks great on her skintone and hair color. Another judge that caught my attention in a big way: Koen Buyse. He is the “harshest” judge and so reminds me of Simon Cowell. Sigh. I do miss my Simon Cowell.

But I’m living in Belgium now and I’m married to an amazing Belgian man and I love Idool 2011.