Thursday, March 3, 2011

My Stick Is Better Than Your Stick - Ep 3

Starting off the episode with the “duel” between Matt and Frrranchessquwa was anticlimactic. There I said it.

Maybe it’s because I’ve seen too many duels. I half-expected Mark Long to pop out with a few Real Worlders and kick some Road Rulers ass.

But I DID learn NEVER to shake hands with the opposing team should I ever get on Survivor and my team lose a challenge. I mean, that’s what got Matt sent to Redemption Island for right?

I can just picture my momz shouting at the tv, “Oh my gah, no shakey hand Matt! No shakey the hand!”

I know, it's so hard to believe that a handshake can send you to Redemption Island.

So I'm glad I have proof of Matt's guilt. Right here. The "alleged" handshake is all too real.

So Matt was blind-sided. But why was he so "sickened" by it? Clearly the Lord his savior had bigger plans for him. Clearly the Lord his savior would protect Andrea and her “island boyfriend” Matt to they can reunite later and discuss Matt’s win over Frrranchessquwa using his long strong stick?

I nearly died listening to Jeff Probst yell out things such as “Matt has weak stick!” and “That stick looks like it’s working now!” and “She’s giving her stick a once-over” and “It’s an inch, or half an inch, too short!” and “His is long enough, but is it strong enough?”

Andrea, you can stop crying, your island boyfriend’s stick finally worked. You can go make stick babies now.

Okay. I’ll stop.

Anyway. Yeah. Matt beat Francesca and Andrea looked as happy as Ralph with a yo-yo.

Now if we could talk about the immunity/reward challenge. By the way, is CBS on that tight a budge that they can’t give us two challenges per episode anymore? Are we consolidating immunity and reward into one challenge for good? Bootleg. Ghetto. Me no like.

I did like watching the ladies take in all those mouthfuls of water every few seconds. Leave it to the ladies to get the breathing right before going down again. And good thing they were allowed to spit instead of swallow.

And omg, finally, someone who actually keeps the hidden immunity idol clue to themselves. Nice Rob. Don’t trust any of those Pleasantville rejects.

HIGHLIGHT for me this episode:

Watching Russell get voted out, AFTER he refers to Julie as “Old Lady” just hours before and AFTER his little pitbull biatch Natalie yaps her little mouth off in his defense and AFTER his own team throws the challenge just to kick him out?!

I really really hope Russell beats Matt’s ass so he can come back and show everyone the healing progress in his armpits.

OMG. Like, really?

I mean, were these girls were just STARING at his festering pits for an extended period of time?

And without throwing up or taking an open flame to his pus?! Gross!!!

The Award for Most Improved Wardrobe goes to Phillip.

Who’s his stylist? Kudos.

This is MUCH better than the worn-out flappy briefs he was sporting at first.

I still shudder at seeing the silhouette of his nutsac the first episode.

I kid you not.

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