Sunday, September 26, 2010

Oldies Rock Survivor Nicaragua!

I am (relatively) proud to say I have momz hooked on this season of Survivor.

With that said, she refuses to remember anyone’s names and refers to everyone by their physical appearance. And, she goes there. So you can do the math but among some of the most obvious, to her:

1. “No Leg Girl” aka Kelly B. I tried. I really tried to stop this nickname from happening, but honestly, it’s how my momz is remembering her so who am I to come between momz and her free association? Besides, “no leg girl” sounds much cooler and nicer and less “wrong” in Korean, trust me on that one. Wait, no, I’m lying, it sounds just as bad.

2. “Black Girl” aka Omarosa. I mean, NaOnka, whoops. Yeah, so my momz thinks NaOnka is a terrible person for stealing, of all things, socks.

And she couldn’t really understand half the things NaOnka was saying given her limited English (never mind she’s been in this country 30+ years). But oh boy did I have fun translating the nasty things NaOnka was saying about Kelly B!

“If we have to race and that leg falls off… she’s outta here.”

Try translating that in Korean! But really NaOnka, you chose to sit out of the challenge so you could watch Kelly B fail?! And she didn’t, so boo to you sock-stealer!

And on second thought, maybe you and my momz would have a lot to talk about since she is also obsessed with Kelly's leg, but actually, no, because my momz is obsessed in a good way despite the losses in translation.

3. “Black Man” aka Tyrone, whom my momz has nothing else to say about except that he’s the sole black man on the season.

Keen insight momz.

You're right up there with Ms. Swan from MadTV. "Heeeee, look-euh-like-a-man, like-a-black-man." By the way, I want royalties from MadTV because they totally must have run into my momz on the street at some point and thought up the whole Ms. Swan thing.

4. “Grandpa” aka Jimmy Johnson, whom I think momz has a slight crush on but she says he’s getting older by the day being out on that island. And then she laughs to herself like a hyena “Oh my-ee gah, he so more old-euh than last time light?!”

To which I responded with "Right." My god, she still can't pronounce her "R"s.

5. “Alligator Man” aka Dan, is a wonder to my momz because she just can’t imagine anyone paying $1600 for a pair of shoes let alone bringing them out to hell aka Survivor. My momz can't even stomach how much I spend on MY shoes let alone a "man" who spends that much on shoes.

6. “The Gay Gay” (as if it takes two gays to really explain it all, thanks momz) aka Sash who is mixed, half black and half white, but my momz insists he is Indian. Even when I was like “Um, momz, he just said he’s half black” she just shook her head like I was crazy and confirmed, “No, Indian”. Okay. And did he REALLY refer to Brenda as “The Asian Sensation”?! I’ve been called that before, and it was funny for like two seconds. And his idea of pulling together a “minority alliance” seems a little reverse-racist to me, call me crazy.

Oh, and speaking of names, did anyone else notice that Jud is no longer Jud but “Fabio”? In the opening credits, his name is actually listed as Fabio! Hilarious.

Holly, oh, Holly. My momz already thought you were completely crazy, and now she thinks you have a shoe fetish (and crazy still).

Why in the world would you steal Dan’s alligator shoes and “bury” them in the ocean, and then ADMIT to him and the rest of your tribe that you did it?! Oh geez, good move kooky girl!

You so don't remind me of Bobby Generic's mom anymore...more like Bobby Derelict's. No, actually, scratch that. You're more Howie Mandel circa Howard Generic on Bobby's World. There, I feel better now that I've figured that one out in my head.

Onto the challenge this week - it was all about balancing balls. Hmmm. Last week’s was all about the tribes’ “flows”. What is going on over at CBS, is the head of their creative department completely hormonal?!

I did enjoy watching everyone drag themselves through the mudpit to get to all the ball-play though.

And i'm glad the Oldies (I know, I know, "Espada"...but I much more enjoy referring to them as the Oldies) took the handicap this time.

Because let's be honest...the Younguns definitely get more ball-play on a daily basis, on average.

And hey, did anyone else notice though that everyone who went through the mud came out looking like this?

Despite the scare, I watched the entire muddy thing.

And I was cheering like a maniac when the Oldies won. I don't know why really, maybe hitting 35 has made me appreciate the future Oldies years?

Oh and my momz was just thrilled and was clapping so hard I thought her perfectly manicured fingernails would fly off. You would have thought she had just won a new rice cooker at the Korean supermarket.

Oh man, did Tribal Council provide some juice!

Poor Jeff Probst.

I feel bad for him that he had to sit through Shannon’s disgusting hate rant.

WTF is up with this dude Shannon?!

When he pointed to Sash and said “Hey I’m just gonna get this out of the way right now, are you gay?” and then turned to Probst and said “New York is full of them Jeff!” I didn’t know whether to laugh or throw something at the tv!

Like, Jeff Probst was going to jump on the homophobic bandwagon? Yeah right!

I mean, Shannon’s true on both accounts, but really dude?! You went from being my eye candy to an eye sore.

Get a grip. It’s 2010. I think I know what side you would have stood on in the Civil War…good bye and good riddance. I suppose I won't be seeing you posing for any of the NOH8 ads either.

Thank the Survivor gods your ass got booted, you just could not stop up the verbal diarrhea could you?!

(Note to self: Um, you never shut up either. Oy)

PS: Yes Shannon, I caught your post-show interview somewhere on another blog. And you said, "Number one: I'm not a homophobe. Number two: I'm not a sexist. And number three: I did not bash the gay community." Right. Liar. On all three accounts. Get thee back to Louisiana!


  1. lol Jun. Always hilarious.

    Although Shannon really isn't a homophobe or sexist. He's been posting on Sucks and it's pretty clear he's not. Besides Sash is obviously in the closet.

  2. Damnit. Shhhh, I kinda like ranting on him. Hahahaha

    But yeah, I can't believe that ANYONE is THAT bold and homophobic for CBS to let on. Sigh. He just couldn't stop himself and dug himself deeper and deeper!

    Well, he has to dig himself out tho. He's hot enough that he probably can haha.

  3. LOVED this post! I almost choked on my food laughing at all your mom's nicknames.

  4. He, it's impossible for her to remember all the names. She does that with my friends too. I have life-long friends that she barely remembers the names of so she associates them with what they do for a living hahaha.