Friday, July 30, 2010

Rachel's Voice - I Figured It Out - BB12. Ep. 10

So, it took me a few weeks but I figured it out.

Oh, and please excuse my absences as I have been celebrating my birthday for a few weeks.

Some Belgium...some U.S....some Davy...some me...

I am woman, hear me roar. 35 will be a very, very good year...

Yeah, so when Rachel speaks, laughs, cries, what-have-you, she sounds like she’s somewhere between sucking helium and gagging. I get it. You get it. I’ve been there. I just didn’t know it could be permanent.

But I suppose if you spend a lot of time with objects stuck in the back of your throat, you would eventually sound like Rachel. Good to know. Yikes.

I still love her though, she just screams “hot mess”. Doesn’t even whisper it. Rachel’s always putting her everything out there and damn it, at least she owns it!

I don’t like her new pimple though. It looks like a piece of food on her chin. God, did I really say that?

When Brendon went in for the kiss on her lips after the POV Competition (yes, I remember this moment because I was so disgusted) I was screaming “No! NO! Do you see that pimple?! It’s going to touch…your…face...noooo!”, and he gave her like 14 kisses in a row. Like, wow, does he love her or what?!

Why don’t you go cry in a corner, Brendon?

Pick a corner, any corner, and go cry in it okay? Ugh. You are so lucky your'e hot hot hot.At the end of the BB day,

Rachel took DOWN another HOH and she is the WOMAN. “Brenchel” my ass Brendon, you two are more a “Rachdon”. She wins HOH and you win POV, know your place VaginaBoy.

And we all know Monet did not like Rachel. Monet, hated Rachel.

But at least she didn’t apologize or take back all the nasty gutter talk she spewed about Rachel. I have to respect her for that.

I always hate it when Chenbot asks if “you want to take back anything you might have said” like, um, no?! O

WN IT people! Talk shit and leave it out there, why would you take shit back?!?! Makes no sense. Shit is nasty and smells bad! Um, no, Chenbot, I would NOT like to take it back.Monet, is one angry bitch. Monet, is gone now children hush, don’t cry. The Fraggle has left the building.

Sigh, I’m over Monet. I want MonB.

Yeah…so can we talk about Hayden?

I can’t believe Hayden is in lovelust. He was gnawing on everything from ice to his fingernails while talking to Kristen. But then again, Kristen was sticking pillows between her legs while he was orally fixated.

Did anyone else notice that? I wonder if Hayden makes her throb enough to warrant suffocation by pillow. Hmmm…

Plus, he's starting to look like a young Dustin Hoffman, and I don’t mean that in a good way.

He’s looking a little Rain Man lately.

And yes, I realize that Matt made a Rain Man comment this week.

Geez. I can’t stand Matt.

And for the record, Matt is not a “fanof the show” otherwise he wouldn’t be playing the game so damn hard. He plays it harder than I play the skin flute. Well, maybe not. But he’s definitely giving me some competition.

Sigh. I need to send some letters out:


Dear Annie:

So, you were the saboteur. ANTI. CLIMACTIC.

You know, your eviction plea would have been perfect if it hadn't been so long (aka emotional).

You, you should have zipped your lips.

And you shouldn’t have worn white panties with that hot little dress of yours, it ruined it for me when I got an up-skirt shot of you and saw boring white panties. Bummer.

But you and Rachel exchanging those faces more than made-up for it...because it made the Chenbot make this face eventualy. You're such a good sport my little Annie.

Thank you for my birthday gift.



Dear Brendon:

Seriously? In the grand scheme of things, you and Rachel won’t last longer than a pair of my stilettos would in the cobble-stoned streets of Belgium.

But for your time in the house, if you want Rachel to continue to be your personal ball-warmer, then you need to cut the boohoo-shit out.

Stop being such a little bitch. The minor tantrum you threw while talking to Rachel about a replacement nominee for Britney?

You = VaginaMan



Speaking of crying…

Dear Kathy :

Stop the fucking boohooin’. I’m sorry. This isn’t The Apprentice, there is no freakin’ charity involved. I’m sorry you have a sick son and I’m sorry that you fear for his college fund. But this is a reality show. And the reality is, sob stories don’t win you the money. So stop.

And stop taking make-up tips from Tammy Faye, she's bad news. Was bad news. Still is I guess.



Dear Britney:

I still love you. I especially love your comment about Rachel’s “flopping butt cheeks” when she was celebrating her HOH win. It made me fall in lust with you a little…I’m not gonna lie. And saying that every time Rachel wears a skirt “STDs go airborne” was precious…priceless, really. Sigh. I heart you.



Dear Enzo:

That stuff on your head scares me. What is that shit?! I’m afraid CBS will give you a challenge where those implanted hairs on your scalp will fall right out. Like, just shave your head dude. I can count your hairs. Not good. They look really creepy when wet.



And OMG, the House Meeting Rachel called? Hilarious.

I wish I had an Andrew, to wash and iron my socks.

I wish I had a Lane, to use as a doorstop, oh, and provide shade.

I wish I had a Kristen, wait, no I don’t. I think her “life-long” friend in Chenbot. Those two go together…

Andrew. Wow. He was on FIYA tonight! You really are what you eat! Mazel tov, dear departed Kosherific Andrew!

PS: Am I crazy or isn’t there another twist that nobody seems to talk about? Who are the life-long friends that are in the house?!?! Guesses?


  1. Bahaha! Rachel and the pimple = love it!

  2. Belated Happy Birthday Jun! :D

    Enjoy Year # 35 - looks, from here, like it's all coming together for ya! <3


  3. That thing was nasty dear Paul. Admit it! I was obsessed with following it around the screen like a hockey puck on the ice!

    Thanks Mike, things are coming together pretty great!

  4. Giggle! Jun said 'vagina' again.

    "But I suppose if you spend a lot of time with objects stuck in the back of your throat, you would eventually sound like Rachel. Good to know. Yikes."

    June, I've been doing it for more than your 35 years on this planet. It hasn't changed my voice one bit. I take great pride in my 'deep' abilities. Just sayin'. :-p~

  5. Ohhh dayyyuuum, your'e right, okay. So...are you sure? I swear mine has, or am I just paranoid?! That biatch makes me paranoid.

    And darling, I will stab you the next time you spell my name with an "e". You should know better! HAHA. Sigh...and I do owe you a picture...I haven't forgotten :)