Saturday, August 15, 2009

I Heart Allison Grodner - BB11 Live Show & Eviction #5 - 8/13/09

Minnie Mouse said last night: “Jeff has it. Jessie fears it. Russell and Lydia desperately need it.”

Balls?! I clearly remember Chi-chi-chi-chima pet (thanks Scott) screeching “grow a pair” to Russell!

No, no, no, I know Chenbot was referring to Jeff having the Coup D’etat. I usually tune her out, but for whatever reason I hit rewind to hear that first line again. And for whatever reason, it had a hint of sex in it “jeff has it…russell and lydia desperately need it.” Am I crazy? I know someone out there agrees with me.

I am convinced Chenbot’s dress was designed by The Fashion Show Finalist James-Paul.

Wow, did we really hit Day 40 already?! And, um, was this the live show amazing or what?! Totally rivaled Marcellus not using the Golden POV on himself that live night many moons ago…ahem, Season 3.

There was a point watching the show where I thought “Wow, Kevin’s lower lip is super full and juicy why did I never notice that?” Oh, but then HEma’s face popped up on my screen and f*ck if anyone has fuller lips than that queen. I remembered that why I’ve never noticed anyone else’s lips. Not even Jeff’s. But that’s because I’m just “imagining” them.

And really, the split screen of the Kevin and Chima last night? Kevin’s yellow plaid shirt / purple and grey scarf and Chima’s blue dress and matching eye shadow looks like vomit all over my television screen. Just wrong. Turned my stomach.
Speaking of stomachs, I was nibbling on yummy thai food while watching the show with my buddy Brian last night. Sigh. Big Brother + Thai food + Cute Gay Buddy = Happy Thursday

THANK YOU to the genius in the editing room for airing Jeff’s “I love love love…” again. I am beginning to think you read my blog and enjoy making me squeal like a naughty immigrant with your clever little edits. Sigh. I am now developing a crush on you whoever you are…I don’t know why I’m assuming you’re male, but just let me run with this one.

NATALIE: “Jessie and I…Jessie and I…me and Jessie…” Yeah. Basically, she was saying that she and Jessie were failing, at LIFE.

JESSIE: The dude must have a paid endorsement for Kleenex because he was CRYING like a vegan baby at meal time! Sidenote, it looks like he’s lost some weight, poor thing.

I’d like to know his reading level. Not because I don’t think he’s smart enough to read, but I just don’t think he can think ahead when he’s speaking. It’s like his brain will only think in real-time one word at a time. And this is important stuff we’re talking about. It’s the difference between giving someone Harry Potter on dvd or hardcover, it’s that serious.

RUSSELL: “Boohoo, go get Natalie to massage your back” to Jessie. That was awesome. What was NOT? “You look beautiful tonight” to Chenbot. Like really Russell?! WHY are you spelunking along that dark path to her large intestine?!

I am typing this next part standing up. Because when I watched it, it made me stand up. I was out of my chair pacing and pointing at my tv cackling as I watched this next part.

JESSIE v RUSSELL: Yeah. Russell’s “What’s the problem right now” was sexylicious. You could see the dread and fear in Jessie’s eyes. It’s like he was somewhere else ( 4th grade?) . Russell totally won that schoolyard fight. The whole encounter made Jessie ill later that day. He overdosed on his own adrenaline I think.

JEFF: I have never felt so strong for a BB man (Roddy Mancuso still has my heart, but he won’t give me the time of day, ) in all the seasons of BB.

Jeff completes me. He just does. Well, at least for the role of my “tv husband.” Cuz you know we ladies all have “work” husbands, and “bbdish” husbands, and “church” husbands…gosh, this reminds me of “forest” husbands from that movie at the beginning of the year, Defiance. I think I’m one of 238 people who actually watched it.

CHIMA: She says “When I take pictures, I Photoshop it.” Well, now we know how she got on.
Her grandparents had me ROLLING on the floor choking. I’m sure the maryjane caused the coughing, but the laughing definitely had me choking.

How friggin’ CALM were they watching Chima’s fighting?! Grandpa cracked me up with his little comments. They are a great peanut gallery. Seriously, they need to get with VH1’s Best Week Ever and entertain us for years to come. Screw “Frangela”, though I do love them I do. I wonder if I could have my cake and eat it too.

I am in NO way insulting Chima’s grandma in ANY way. But I SWORE (on my newest shoe purchase - Miu Miu) that I saw her today. I was walking down Park Avenue (of course) looking majorly fierce when I turned to my left and saw this woman who looked JUST LIKE her. I nearly dropped my iced caramel macchiato as I dug in my purse for my camera. I think I broke out into a glisten (I don’t sweat) before realizing it was just some other cute grandmother walking around the nyc.

I wonder how many more times Chima would have said “inevitably” had the interview been longer. GEEZ.

So. Back to JEFF: He seriously gave me heart palpitations last night with his holy hotness. I am not ashamed to admit that I still haven’t regained muscle control of my tongue after the electrocution last night. I don’t have to tell you how.

I went and licked my television (only where Jeff’s face was tho, nowhere else, NOWHERE ELSE), I got so excited at the way he handled his Coup. And the static field on my flat screen sent a shock into my tongue that my poor Korean ass had smoke coming out of it. I don’t care. It was worth it. What’s a little electric shock?

“Feel the block…feel the pain,” Jeff said. I, for one, would LOVE to feel his block. Besides, Jordan and I have so much in common I don’t see why he COULDN’T swap her out for me once the show is over. I have a picture to prove it see?

Lydia’s face was priceless. Chima’s face was priceless. Natalie’s was clearly worth $500K from the look on her face. It was like watching an auction at Christie’s…although I’m more a Sotheby’s kinda girl.

OMG, did Chenbot refer to Chima as the Deep Throat HOH?! Oh, Oh. “Dethroned” HOH... gotcha. Phew, I thought Chenbot was the only one having hot flashes.

JESSIE: WTF was that parting speech he gave?! My MOTHER could have given a more coherent speech in her KONGLISH (Korean-English)!

Like, seriously, he was rambling on and on like the time he looked down and couldn’t see his pubes past his pecs for the first time! And that T-SHIRT he “changed” into?! I thought for a split second he was taking his top off all-together. Maybe that would have been better. I can’t believe him. But then again, I realize he probably doesn’t walk around flexing in real life. Sigh.

When Jessie got booted I could barely swallow the bite of Thai Curry Puff that was in my mouth I was so excited! Oh good lord, have I already mentioned that this has been like the best live show ever (yes yes Marcellus, relax boo, you’re still my number one)?!

CHIMA: “Looks like me and the producers need to have a bit of a talk.” Really Chima?

Let me tell you something. The producers don’t really give a fork what you have to say. GET OVER yourself.

You need people (i.e. the producers, CBS, the American public) more than they need you. And further more: Behaving like they need you more than you need them will get you a one-way ticket out. When you test limits don’t cry at the results is all I’m saying.

Think about this one dear Chima. Think about it in a dark and damp cave filled with hibernating bears. Stay there until spring time.

HA. I heard Jessie’s tears flooded the set. They need to get it re-carpeted now. I hope they take it out of his stipend.

HOH Competition was great. Very telling, etc…Michele’s win was like AWK-ward! But what’s new with that chick?! This is going to be a great week. This season is turning out to be one of the most entertaining EVER! Like, ever!

PS: I love love love that Kevin kisses his ring. That’s so sweet to see, I hope his boo is loving it too! Um, Double Live Eviction next week? Sign me up for THAT.
PPS: Yes, Chima's gone. Can't believe it but can. More next blog.


  1. Thanks for giving me props on my Chi Chi Chi Chima Pet!! Wonder how Russell got wind of it? You are my favorite BB winner ever but if Jeff win's this year I may do more than lick my screen....OUCH!!!! LOL Love Ya Jun!!! Scott C. From FB

  2. HA! I love that we're on her at the sam etime. Thank you m Scott. Great minds think...