Before we go any further, “I think everyone here knows that I’m not a ho”. I say that about once a week. Jordan actually means it when she says it though. I kid, I kid, I’m actually saving myself for marriage anyway.
I’m happy to report my move went smoothly, save for a few people in my life who flaked on me big time. Like, how rude. And like, I am the last person on the island of Manhattan you want putting you on their poop list. I missed my last blog because I was pinned underneath a few boxes, but I found my way out and I’m back!
I’ll touch on Sunday Night’s episode (aka The Night of Jeff, thank you thank you thank you CBS) a bit before I head into Tuesday Night’s.
HOH Competition: We learned that Jeff’s got rhythm (mmmhmm) and precision (hello, his fingers OWNING those tabs on the recycled cans was hot yes?!) and Natalie’s got none. Russell is like “a bull in a china shop” but no surprise there. I’m not judging. Russell as a bull does it for me. I like some variety you know?
Jeff’s “It was a long time waiting, I finally got it” after winning the HOH made me, for three seconds, think that he finally GOT SOME from Jordan. Then I regained my composure and realized he meant HOH. Phew. Crisis averted. Btw, is Jeff losing weight?! NO! Please make him eat more. It’s easy, just take some food away from Jordan’s gaping mouth and give it to Jeff!!!
Jeff’s “various stages of hotness” (Kevin’s words, not mine) will go down as the most satisfying 23 seconds of my BB-watching career. Yes, career, it’s like a fulltime job come summer time. Geez.
BEST QUOTE EVER goes to, of course, Jeff: “If I’m there for 7 nights, I’m not just making out the whole time.” This was in response to Jordan wanting him to take her with him on his prized trip to Hawaii. Like, seriously Jeff, if you took me I would thank you every second of the trip. Like, every second. Sigh. Unless you want to marry Jordan, well then, I would be happy for the both of you. But I still think you should have last fling with a cute Korean chick who won Big Brother. I know of one…you should know of me too…biblically.
Holy macaronis, can someone tell me where Jeff came from? Is Chicago “code” for The Whole Packageville?! I’ve been to Chicago, and I didn’t find no men like Jeff.
I’m not gonna lie. I felt all nervous inside watching clips of Jeff and Jordan’s first fight(s). I guess I DO want them to work out even if I’d be jealous of “Jordo”.
Don’t get me wrong, I like being scolded every now and again. Okay, I like being scolded a lot. And if it was Jeff doing the scolding, then sign me up because mama needs some good punishment! I think Jeff is just completely frustrated and is letting it out. Good for him. He must have the bluest balls since Papa Smurf was rocking them hardcore.
It’s cute though that Jordan got all pouty and “threatened” to sleep downstairs with the rest of the HGs. Um, she got far, like to the edge of the bed. Love it. Break up…to make up…learn it, live it.
Did anyone else have trouble focusing on Kevin’s spotlight on his life and being gay? They put the camera on Russell for a bit, remember? And after that, all I could do was stare at Russell’s crotch?! Am I crazy?! Tell me I’m not alone! Oh, and also…did anyone else notice that weird bump in Jeff’s pants when he was sitting in that big swivel chair in HOH talking to Michele and Jordan? I know it was just the pants/zipper, but still.
My freaking mind is SO in the gutter this week…and every week…and I hope this never changes until I’m picking out a casket. Yes, I am going to pick out my own casket knowing my OCD a*s.
Sigh…the memories…this time my season it had been down to Me, Ali, Erika, Robert, Jee, Jack…and our little 6-some had paired up alliances too. Oh what fun it is to hide…in multiple alliance rides!
POV Ceremony: Hahahaha the bananas, I love it! They brought back Casey! I am so happy they did! How friggin’ funny that I said I wanted Casey back to host a wet t-shirt contest BB-style…and we get to have him host something after all?! OTEV! This was suoiralih. DEVOL TI! Okay, enough with the backwards spelling fad. I couldn’t help it tho!
How ironic that again, Natalie never got Jessie’s banana in the end. Loser. Loved It! And now SHE’S sporting the string-around-the-head thing?!
That’s it. Photo montage attached. Incidentally, the 5th girl is some random girl that I convinced my gf Gina (I have already promoted her awesomeness before) to take a picture of. We were at dinner having a wonderful conversation when I spotted the wench with a white string around her head. Like, WHY would you draw attention to your neck-up when you have no right?! Meaning, the 4th girl is yours truly…don’t forget my alias, Koreana: Warrior Princess.
Jeff grooving to Casey’s little raps? Hot! I wanna dance with him! He asked me to dance! It said on his t-shirt “Let’s Dance” as clear as day! Y’all just couldn’t see the “Jun” after it…it was invisible ink.
If this isn’t Jeff’s week, I don’t know what is. Hello HOH and POV Holder and winner of the KEY to my chastity belt? The one to my heart can come later. Like, when I actually meet him.
Another power play by Jeff, attempting to knock out the artist formerly known as the Mongoose who was formerly known as the Shotgun who was formerly known as the Russell the Love Muscle. Oy vey!
Let’s see what happens on Thursday kids!
PS: Big thank you to JulieB for leading me to all these great pictures I’ve been able to add to the blogs. Love you girl!
PPS: FYI, I will be roasting my Korean a*s in Mexico starting Saturday and then partying it up in S. Hampton for Labor Day weekend so the Thursday Live Show will be the last blog I write until after the holiday. Just giving y’all ample notice…where did I pick up “y’all” from all of a sudden?!?! Syn, do you see your affect on me?!