I don’t get it. We get another live show that’s harder to watch than…um, Miami Social? And that’s saying A LOT folks.
Incidentally, I had to watch the live show the next day because I had to attend and initiation meeting. Initiation to what, you ask? A super-secret, super-cool, super-duper Scrabble Club! Woohoo!
I’m not gonna lie, I was kinda scared that I’d show up and have to take my clothes off in the middle of a circle of Scrabble worshippers or something. I even waxed a day early just in case. But it was just scrabble it turns out. Oh what fun. So I get home after FOUR HOURS of serious Scrabble (um, no one told me real sh*t was TIMED?! English is my second language! Hahaha).
I flip on the recorded live show and one of the first things I see is Chenbot with what looks like hair that’s 14 inches high?! I had to rewind and play again because I thought she was now a spokeswoman for Bumpit!
She looks so happy. She's rocking the whole glow thing. Very purty.
Sigh. Kevin is so cute. He really is. I feel like he’s cuter when he’s sad than when he’s happy. When he’s happy he’s just hilarious, but when he’s sad, well…he pulls at my heart strings.
Ew. I can’t believe Natalie asked Lydia how many times she hooked up with Jessie. Ew. Like, I seriously don’t need to know you know? Ew!!
Oh, and what, now all of a sudden Natalie and Lydia have a need to start “healing the wound that Jessie created?!” Ew! What wound? Was it a bite mark? Like, seriously? Those go away on their own, no need to be so dramatic you idiots.
Like seriously, we’re like 10 minutes into the show at this point and I’m doing my best to come up with some interesting sh*t.
Oh, now I remember. This was pretty interesting. Jordan shaving her legs in the bathtub?! Ew! The clip they showed was like 3 seconds but my reaction to it lasted at least 9 seconds. I was so grossed out! How do you SHAVE while you’re taking a bath?! All those little shavings being all up in your cho-cha, ew! Jordan, where did you learn that?! Ew Ew (this being a double-ew)
And then when Chenbot asks her about taking baths in the BB house, Jordan actually mentions shaving her legs in the HOH bedroom when Russell was HOH. It was as if Jordan was reading my mind and knew how grossed out I was. Again, ew!
Wait, have I mentioned how BORING this live show was?! It was really hard to keep my eyes open at 3am to watch it. Why 3am? Well, after Scrabble my girlfriend Gina (um, btw, an AMAZING catch) and I went for late-night Korean food. We went to a spot in K-town (Korea, not Kevin) where the last time I was there I was sitting one table away from Chef Morimoto. Fun!
Okay, clearly, I’m filling in a lot of personal stuff in this blog because we’re like 18 minutes into the live show and coming up with entertaining writing is proving quite difficult. It’s like the first day of 3rd grade again and writing an essay about what you did over the summer. Like, at age 8 any of the essays are going to be very interesting?! I would always write about summer camp and my mom sending me off with 300 pairs of underwear. If you have yours still, send it to me and I will be the judge, haha.
Oh wait, wait…it’s the POV Competition! How exciting! Not. Oh good lord, it went on forever and then it got down to Michele and Jordan. I wish the Chenbot had them hosed down wet t-shirt style…then Casey could have popped out and MC’d! Now THAT would have been a tie-breaking treat.
Like seriously, when Lydia got booted, and Natalie thanked everyone I thought she was going to break out a chest bump! Ew. She scares me. I’m afraid she could bruise me with one finger.
But then again, I bruise easy. I just do. My mom always asks me why I have what looks like finger prints on my neck, except they’re bruises.
I nearly fell off my couch when Lydia talked a big talk about needing ice packs in the sequester house. Not because I fell asleep. But who is Lydia kidding? Those ice packs will be used to cool down and ease the swelling of, um, body parts I bet. Ew. After all, I think she and Jessie will hug it out as soon as she gets there. I think I’m gonna use that…”I need a hug” will be code for “`I need…”
Um, Chenbot, say what? Recycling has been a theme this summer? Right. I think Recycling Crazies has been the theme my asian sister-from-another-mother.
Speaking of mothers, I’m always talking about mine. The proof is in the pudding (recent picture of my momz attached, and we are all natural baby).
OKAY. This was the stupidest HOH Competition ever. It’s very similar to the one from my season where we had to drop ping-pong balls one at a time out of water coolers into tubes. Like, ew, this competition seemed so ghetto (and not in a fabulous way!)! Bootleg Big Brother!
And this show didn’t even give us enough of the HOTNESS Factor (aka Jeff and Russell hotness)!!! It really didn't. I feel cheated.
This show was a mess. I don’t want to say it, but I miss Chima. HAHAHAHAHA. Ew, did I really say that?
PS: I am in the middle of a move so please excuse the brevity and otherwise diary room session type of blog this time. Sigh. I am the busiest unemployed chick I know…but happiest!
PPS: How many "Ew"s can you count in this one blog?