Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Cruella Deville Is In the House! - BB11 Ep 16 - Sunday 8/16/09

I knew there would be nothing on Sunday’s show about Chima’s disappearance. Still, I kept wishing some glitch in the system would give us something early. Sigh.

I was also waiting for some National Geographic style moments since Chima promised us “wild animal style” the prior week, but still, nothing. Sigh.

Major disappointment all-around. Not a complete wash though.

I still had a good night though. Highlight of my evening was being possessed for a few seconds. I swear, Cruella Deville took hold of my body Sunday night. When the hags were crying over Jessie, I let out this really guttural cackle that took me by surprise! I sounded so evil!

It was like, I couldn’t wait to get pen to paper and cruciblog Natalie, Chima and Lydia! Can you believe the TEARS they shed for him?!

Sigh, can we talk about how HOT Jeff was that whole time Chima was trying to break him down? Like, his body language was perfection! NEVER let them see your body react, it’s like blood to a CHark, I mean shark.

He made my panties feel too tight as he stood his ground. HAWT! I mean COME ON Chimacus, even Jessie managed to get out a “It’s a good move…” to Jeff!

CHIMA: She was SO articulate Sunday evening.

“Russell, kiss my a*s.” Who can blame her right?! Russell can be so intense. He just jumps from zero to $500K in 2 seconds!

“Jeff, shut the f*ck up.” Well then. I am glad Chima let out her feelings in real time.

I envy Chima. It must be so refreshing to be able to do that without fear of recourse. She is SUCH a strong woman that way isn’t she? Sigh…she’s swell.

The section above was the nice version of the Chima Review.

NATALIE: Wahhh, wah, wah…there’s no such thing as “bad versus good” in the BB house my precious little angel. Get with the program! And if you can’t, then work on your presence in a room - ahem, starting with LESS of it.

I swear Natalie made my glass of milk curdle every time she spoke! Yes, I was having milk because yes, I was having cookies.

CHIMA: Really a-hole?! Jessie’s departure was like a family member dying? I took so much offense to that I almost forgot what year it was.

Oh, and all this big talk about woman power. Oh, so is that what strong women do? Gamble 100% on one outcome and then call someone a terrorist thinking you’re in the clear?

Chima said she “believes in karma.” Um, yes. I am glad you do. Do you believe in it for everyone?! Meaning: It applies to you too a-hole.

This part has been the less-than-nice-but-still-nice version of the Chima Review.

LYDIA: HOLY COW. Ohhhh, so Jessie got in your heart, not your head?! Is that why you’re bawling like Dae Yum Yum ran away with that little whore Yae Dum Dum?! Sigh. Unicorns are so fickle.

JEFF: You can semantics if YOU want! Someone please please please put that on a child’s XL t-shirt and send it to me! I will pay for raw materials and shipping! But don’t have some child or illegal immigrant do it please, it would hurt my heart. Unless you didn’t tell me, then it would be okay I guess.

O-O-O-Who’s that boy with the Coup D’Etat Cookie?
Lickin' up the creamy power
Like before his clique went coward
Oh, that yummy O-O-O-Coup-D’Etat!

Oreos always did it for me as a kid. Jeff satiates the kid in me NOW. His “I think we’re getting paranoid” to Russell made me love him even more. As cool as a cucumber he is. As nourishing as a banana he is. As refreshing as a popsicle…etc., etc., etc.

CHIMA: Sigh. You know, I was thinking that sometimes Chima looks really pretty. Sometimes. Depending on the camera angle and the amount of blotter diminishing the shine on her face. Sometimes.

This was the indifferent version of the Chima Review.

MICHELE: I fell asleep with my eyes open as she read the cue card hosting the Have Not Competition. My contacts got all dried out and discombobulated that it made me see 4 Chimas for a split second. It’s all Michele’s fault.

Her screeching “Mon-DAYYY?! Tues-DAYYY?!?! Wednes-DAYYY?!...”gave me indigestion. That, and all the butter I had on my baked potato tonight. Yum.

I felt bad that warmth of Michele’s sweet and victorious HOH room unveiling was cooled down by all the gameplay. Call me crazy, but I thought Lydia was kinda sincere during that event? But still. This house is BROKEN right now.

My mom loves to “lee-tun” broken things btw. She gets all intense like she’s fighting some monster or something. “It’s only a return mom, relax, you don’t even have the receipt for it!” But she always gets her way somehow. And the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree did it?

Hey, did anyone else notice that “Bring It On” by Braden? (For the record, I typed out “Branden” at first before checking myself. So sad that most people won’t even remember him come next year. His “Bring It On” was reminiscent of a game show from the 80s…like Double Dare or something. Sigh.

JESSIE’S SPUNK: Watching these three girls “toast” Jessie was like tripping on ecstasy. There was nothing hostile in my brain, just lots of other feelings. My sweet younger cousin, Miran, was visiting and we watched the show together actually.

I couldn’t even look my cousin in the eye because I was so embarrassed for them. And I’ve been ON the show. Like, these are the chicks that have evolved from seasons past?! Ew! They are like those folks that bring the real estate value down in your neighborhood. I am a BB alum and I want to be proud! Ew.

KEVIN: OMG. His “REdonkulous” faces had me LOVING him! He is right on about the way Jessie’s Spunk was carrying on. Like, really?!

I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight that Kevin come entertain me for one night!
(Do stay out of the sun though Darling Kevin, you’re getting discoloration on your forehead! Don’t forget you’re “blackinese” and therefore, susceptible to sun damage!)

Kudos to the sound / editing crew at CBS for all the wonderful soundtracks this summer. All the violin music, sound effects, dramatic overtures, they’ve all been great! ESPECIALLY that Nickelodeon-wanna-be sound when we saw the “CHAOSSEROLE!!!” Brilliant! Loved it! Made me want to enter that house for one more food competition! Not!

Could the HGs have been anymore angry and cranky during the Have Not Competition?! Kevin calling Lydia “barky” and “butchy” was superb. A++ to Kevin.

Jeff and Jordan are ADORABLE. I feel like a broken record. Sigh. Reminds me of my old records…my fav being “Wham!” with “Wake me up before you go-go…” I miss records. I will, however, miss the J&J wedding if in fact it happens. It would hurt too much to watch.

I am SO SO SO happy that Michele won. I can’t believe Natalie was trying to tell her who to “forgive” or not. Puh-lease, keep walking with that testosterone Natalie, nobody wants to hear it here.

Um Chima’s “You do what you want” to Michele? Yes. Exactly. And then she breaks out with a menacing “You’ve been forewarned…” to Michele? Are you kidding me?! Chima meant “forehead” right?! “You’ve been forehead?!”

NOMINATION CEREMONY: The order Michele goes in is totally personal which I found so ironic given her speech. I mean, the order in which the keys are pulled is VERY telling. INTENSE. That Ceremony was crazy stressful! One of the better ones I think.

Sigh…Russell carried the Nomination Box back for Michele. HAWT. You have no idea how heavy that friggin’ thing is. But he didn’t think twice to carry it for her so she could walk off like the lab technician she is. Right. And I’m just okay in bed.

PS: There is no racist version of the Chima Review to be found! For more on my thoughts surrounding last week’s “racist” accusations, you can check out my personal blog. Thank you to everyone who is supportive. It will take a HECK of a lot more to “scare” me away from anything tho. Ask my lawyer. Teehee.

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